What Time Is It Where You Brush Your Teeth?

My bathroom has its own time zone, didn’t you know?   Apparently through some cosmic confusion the bathroom in my apartment occupies the same position in the day as some places well over the Atlantic Ocean–you see, I have a small clock on the counter near the sink (a terrible electric hazard, I know, but I’m just such a daredevil), and whenever I try to set the time aright, after my first good hot steamy shower, the time shows a little over an hour ahead of when I set it.  I can only assume the wet shower awakens the bathroom to its true self, and it adjusts the time on the clock accordingly. 

Pretty awesome, isn’t it?  You might think of the infinite possibilities such magic might permit me–for example, an hour before sporting events I should be able to pick the winner, right?  At this point I would, with grace, remind you that differing timezones doesn’t actually mean that one person lives in the future of the other person.  Silly.

Still, I can’t say that I am terribly frustrated by this time/space anomaly–in fact, it’s rather useful on occasion.  For example (and here I am about to confess something rather terrible, praying in advance that any socially respectable reader will forgive me), suppose I receive a phone call which lasts much longer than I’d like.  Well, simply step from bedroom into bathroom (it’s true! I occasionally take my phone into the bathroom with me!), and suddenly–“Oh my, look at the time!  I really should be headed to bed.  I’ll talk to you later!”  See how convenient?  Then I simply step out of the magic water closet and I am right back in time with everyone else, having another hour to write or read or some such.  I really must encourage everyone in getting one–if you have the means, I highly recommend picking up just such a bathroom.

It may be there are some drawbacks to this arrangement, too, but really who am I to complain?