So today something quite terrible happened. I was sitting quietly in a comfortable chair, reading the next few chapters of “The Silver Chair” and thoroughly engrossed in the adventures of young Prince Caspian who longed for the early days of innocence more than the strongholds of his wicked uncle. Gentle music was playing from somewhere overhead, classic tunes from the eighties, nineties, and today…Phil Collins, Celine Dion, Mariah Carey…”We belong together…”
…when suddenly out of nowhere enormous gloved hands gripped me and I was slung down into a chair which far from fit my long lanky frame! The chair whirred and grumbled and bent out backwards, stretching me out as upon a very torturer’s rack. A headrest thrust itself painfully in the nape of my neck, and now, my eyes turned upward, I saw only a great horrific light, unnatural and wan. Wide-eyed, I watch as shadows crouched above me and my jaw felt forced open, wider and wider until long, metallic pointed objects might begin rooting about in my mouth! (What a wicked world we live in. The curse of the Fall, no doubt.) A tiny vacuum drew away my breath along with every drop of moisture in my mouth, which now tasted of cotton in a Georgia sun. Then, when worse seemed impossible, another tiny instrument prodded into my mouth and began boring holes into my very bone! Grinding, grinding–the wicked thing even hummed while it worked! Cruel. Spittle and dust sprayed up into the loveless light. And then, one last device inserted into the orifice, the gaping cavity now formed in my tooth was filled with some form of concrete–concrete, I tell you! White concrete!
Cursed trip to the dentist.
They seek him here, they seek him there–
Those Frenchies seek him everywhere…
Is he in heaven? or is he in…hell? (gasp)
That demmed elusive…Pimpernel!
Odds fish, my dear…Sink me, mademoiselle, if I knew that, I’d be the toast of London, what!